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18 August 2025

Scottish people X
Part 9

Scottish people X

Tweet from party ross anthem: 'Noticed there was a fly on our flight and it full on blew my mind. That lad has no clue that he's full on emigrated. Will never see any of his family or pals ever again'

Meme - My sister said Melania Trump always looks like she's trying to read the chippie menu and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. Four photos of Melania Trump squinting at various events

ScotRail @ScotRail tweet - UPDATE: Absolute unit spotted on the track at Pollokshaws West. Sorry if you're being delayed due to this. @NetworkRailScot track staff on their way to attempt to encourage these coos to mooove back to the park. ^CT. CCTV image (14/01/2020) from Pollokshaws West showing a large black cow standing on the railway tracks with a train stopped nearby

Slater @Dwsss1 tweet - How shites the patter you get off neighbours when your cuttin the grass 'you gonnae cut mine as well son haha' naw Linda am no, fuck off

Butsay @Butsay_ tweet - been on nasal steroids for a few months n ma nose has never been clearer. a can smell in 4K UHD. av also now got the nasal sucking power ae a fucking black hole; a could snort yer gran clean out her living room window fae over 500 yards away

Glasgow Live article screenshot - First gritter name of the year revealed. No time for losers, because he is the champion. Photo of a yellow gritter truck named Spreddie Mercury. Article text: The first new gritter of the year is gearing up to hits the streets of Glasgow - don't stop him now! Spreddie Mercury joins the likes of Gritter Thunberg, David Plowie, Gritty Gritty Bang Bang and Plougher O'Scotland to become one of Scotland's gritters.

Perry Sloan @SloanPerry tweet - when you push a pull door and the person behind says "you need to pull" aye cheers lad sure next plan was to start lifting from the bottom

Joe Dillon @joffocakes tweet replying to Jeras Ikehorn @JerasIkehorn who said ONLY USING A FOOD, TELL US WHERE YOU LIVE. Photo of a battered fish (or fish supper) placed on a map of Scotland covering the Glasgow area

Joelle Tungus @TungusBusko tweet - They forgot to add the throbbing cock vein to my mars bar. Day ruined. Photo of a hand holding a smooth Mars bar with no ridged vein on top

@SassenachExile tweet - God bless Americans. Skye this weekend. Collage showing a Mrs Tilly's Scottish Tablet packet alongside a TripAdvisor review from Thomas (United States, 5 March 2020) rating 9.0 Beautiful. Positive review of location and view, but complaint: "You have got to do something with that brown tablet bar of soap you put on each of our beds. Not only was it gritty and left an oily residue but disintegrated before the shower was done! I have had much better exfoliating bar scrubs!"

Two-panel iMessage screenshot with contact Wee Maw. Left panel: sender texts "Olivia has her first tooth", replies come back "Omg shut up", "Show me", "Omfg". Right panel: sender sends a FaceApp photo of a baby with adult teeth photoshopped in. Wee Maw replies "Get to fuck"

Deril Wyles @DerilWyles tweet - Guy from the TV licence chapped my uncles pals door and he told them he didny have a telly and the guy was like you've got an aerial on your roof and he said I've got a pint of milk in the fridge disny mean I've got a coo out the back and shut the door

Fern Brady @FernBrady tweet (13 Nov 2018) - A little girl just blew a raspberry at me for checking out her fit dad & honestly it's the most offended I've been in YEARS. Gonna shag yer dad ya wee cow.

Granite Man @GraniteDhuine tweet - In Scotland, we stop doing the accent when you guys aren't around.

Stonka @stuartmclean49 tweet - Mental to think gorillas don't know any bodybuilding techniques so we've probably not seen any of them at full strength

lewis @lewiskerr tweet - Just seen there that some burd sticks the same lottery numbers oan as her ex so if he wins he needsty half it wi her. Burds are mental man

Lewis Capaldi @LewisCapaldi tweet - Well that's just terrific x. Two screenshots: WhatsApp with Mum where she sends heart emojis about an event then later texts "Watched u on stv. You look as if you've got a mangina", he replies "Thanks mum x". Photo of Capaldi sitting in a chair

Casey @CaseyBlackett1 tweet - Battery's on your telly remote last forever man, stops working just give it a wack n it starts working again for another 3 year

Sanjeev Kohli @govindajeggy tweet - I'm opening a restaurant combining the best of Scottish hospitality with the best of Japanese alcohol. I'm calling it FUCKSAKE

Anne Theriault @anne_theriault tweet - Scotland, man. They don't fuck around. Photo of a plaque above a urinal reading: This urinal is dedicated to three men who participated in the Scottish Highland Clearances. These men took part in what is now recognised as a form of Central Government endorsed ethnic cleansing. Through their greed and bigotry, they and others have been instrumental in destroying a centuries old Scottish Highland way of life. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO PAY THEM THE RESPECT THEY ARE DUE

Dayna McAlpine @daynamcalpine_ tweet (retweeted by Chris) - my friend only shaves if she knows she's 100% going to be having sex bc 'there's no point peeling a tattie if yer no going to mash it'. 17/02/2020 from Edinburgh, Scotland.

Dave Allsop Facebook post - Yeah, enjoy the dignified look, asshole. In a few weeks restrictions ease up in Scotland and we'll get that traffic cone back on yer heid. Photo of the Duke of Wellington statue outside Glasgow's Gallery of Modern Art, without its usual traffic cone on its head

STV News Facebook post - Tonne of seized cocaine worth GBP100m was bound for Scotland. Photo of warehouse full of wrapped packages. Top comment (name blacked out): Liked and shared. I hope I win. Good luck everyone.

Liam King @LK95_ tweet - My da just told me he's voting Tory tomorrow so I've stolen and hid his prosthetic leg. Good luck getting to the polling station mate

SuplexBadger @spewlieandrews tweet - Meme: My family: "Heaven gained another Angel today". Me in Hell: Doom game artwork of the Doom Slayer fighting demons with text WHERE IS THATCHER?! 21/08/2020.

Maxy Shaw @MaxyShaw tweet - Is it mandatory that as soon as ye become a Maw youve tae stop usin google and just ask aw yer questions through fb status' instead

Brittany Bilsland @XBrittanyb tweet - When you miss Sunday dinner cause your rough sorry gran. Screenshot of iMessage with contact "Gran New Phone". Gran: "B if u want to come to morrow for dinner av got u some things out of marks". Reply: "Having a lie down gran phone you when am up xxx". Later, Gran: "C u am aw done up waiting for u big mick coming 4 dinner even put on ma new TRANERS Fuck U". Reply: "Sorry take a photo and let me see you"

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